When Scarcity is a Reality
For the past few years, I’ve tried to live with an “anything is possible” attitude. I felt a burst of creative energy after years of stagnation and, between 2019 - 2022, proceeded to CREATE. I created:
A coaching & retreats business and massage business
A self-care column in the local newspaper’s quarterly magazine
Countless newsletters and blog posts and workshops.
A new novel-in-progress, available through a Substack subscription
I also co-created:
A monthly women’s circle with Renee;
A monthly Sacred Earth gathering with Marguerite;
A biweekly radio show with Anna;
And a new relationship and, eventually, marriage, with Marcus!
I found my voice and couldn’t stop using it. I pursued my next creative idea with drive and passion and vigor that was dizzying at times. While my previous pattern had been to see limitations, through extensive work with coaches and intentionally working to flip this mindset, I began to see opportunities everywhere. I cultivated a new belief in abundance - that there are infinite possibilities, that in partnership with a life-giving divine energy and deep spiritual practice, I can do anything.
Much of this external creative energy has changed dramatically over the past year. In the past nine months, I got pregnant for the first time, had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, got married, and got pregnant a second time. Baby Johnson is expected in late October, 2023! Suddenly, all of my creative energy went inward toward creating new life. The physical and emotional toll of spending seven of the past nine months in the first trimester of a pregnancy or recovering from a miscarriage has been significant. I’m a sensitive person, and while becoming a mother has been a dream of mine for decades, I was always a little afraid to actually be pregnant. The intensity of physical and emotional challenge (nausea, fatigue, massive unknowns, etc) took whatever energy was left after the equivalent of running a marathon every day. I pulled back on almost everything that required external creative energy - workshops, radio show, massage, writing. etc. Thanks to my wonderful co-leaders of the Women’s Circle and Sacred Earth gatherings, those continued.
It felt like the last few years of my life cultivating unconditional self love and compassion were put to the test. Could I still feel good about myself if I wasn’t “being productive” or doing all that I’d hoped to that day? Ultimately I had to give myself a lot of grace and loving understandings, rooting into the belief that regardless of what I could “do”, just being (and growing a human) is enough. I have enough. I do enough. I am enough. With many ups and downs and lots of support from my husband and family, I got through the worst of this most recent first trimester and am happy to report some of the creative energy has been slowly trickling back in! I had to learn to operate with the reality of what scarce energetic resources I had, and to let that be enough. I took on a remote development non-profit job part-time that would allow me to pull back my creative energy that would usually go into my coaching business, and still have financial stability. I kept coaching part-time but stopped actively recruiting new clients through workshops, etc. I stayed at home - a lot - and let myself rest. i learned how to listen to my body on an even deeper level and to be more flexible with what each day would bring and what I could do/how I could be within that day. My external energy became more scarce as intent processes took up more space, and I learned to accept the limitations of only having so much to give. I’m aware that this is likely preparing me for parenthood where energetic resource have to flow into keep a little being alive and maintaining basic internal family function. So from this new paradigm and this massive transition that I’m in, I (finally) have some energy to write and share about it! I also have an updated take on “anything is possible.” It feels more like “anything is possible, but circumstances may dictate where energy flow needs to go” - and giving oneself grace within that is vitally important. Whether it’s from parenting, pregnancy, loss, illness, careginvg, or any sort of life upheaval, we all deserve to give ourself and each other as much love and acceptance for exactly where we are that we can. I have a small window here to lovingly come back to some more offerings, and a few invitations for your if you’re feeling inspired to join me!
Spiritual Book Club/Writing Club - slightly new format!
Join me on Wednesday evenings in June at 7pm ET on Zoom for this year’s final edition of Spiritual Book Club, with a twist! We’ll gather for 75 minutes instead of 60 minutes and spent 20-25 minutes of our time together writing and sharing. We’ll be using Katherine May’s Enchantment: Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Age as a guide for discussion and writing prompts, which I will put together and lead. If you enjoyed Wintering in the winter, I think you’ll enjoy Enchantment as we head into summer. She explores the 4 elements of earth, water, fire and air and it’s a beautiful invitation into reconnection with child-like wonder, our souls, and the world around us. Learn more and sign up here!
3 One-on-One Coaching Slots left for the year!
I’m calling in three one-on-one coaching clients who are ready for their own transformational growth to be a ripple effect of good in the world. Been wondering how coaching might help you accomplish, create, or BE differently/live with more intentional, purpose, joy and aliveness? Sign up for a free 45-minute call to get a taste for what’s possible! If this is something you’ve considered in the past, or if you’ve worked with me before and are ready for a refresher of positive energy, unconditional support and magic to bring your best self into the world, now is the last chance this year to connect in this way!
Here’s what some of my clients have had to say about their experience:
Are you ready to say YES to yourself? Just send me an email to indicate interest or sign up for your free call here!
Finally, if you're not able to or interested in partaking in these offerings, but enjoy reading these newsletters and everything I've offered over the past three years, I wanted to give you a chance to reciprocate through a donation of financial support. I couldn't do any of this without all of you, and I'm so grateful for your companionship and community. If you're inspired to give back, you can make a donation to support my ongoing work here. Thank you so much!